Solo travel — it’s one of those things, you know. You want to do it but you’re intimidated by it but you’re still fascinated but you’re also worried but you promise yourself you will do it one day. I don’t like to generalize, but I still feel like it has to be teeny bit bigger of a deal when you’re thinking about all this as a woman. But hey, after years and years of anticipation, I finally took the first leap. And I am all the better for it.
The beautiful, medieval dream of a city that Ghent is served as the perfect initiation of this new journey. The city established around the confluence of two rivers through which it also gets its name (the old name for the city “Ganda” is Celtic for confluence) was one of the largest cities in middle age Europe. The city’s beautiful architecture is a seamless amalgamation of exquisitely constructed buildings from as far back as the 13th century with some as recent as 2000, which were constructed to look as medieval as their older counterparts to retain the vibe. The postcard picture worthy Graslei harbour, the Belfry tower, the old tax building and the famous brothel facing each other, the main Cathedral with a world famous 15th century masterpiece of a painting ‘Adoration of the mystical lamb’, several lovely churches, the beautifully and more recently constructed city hall, the old fish and meat markets, and guess what — a castle right in the city center. All the main tourist attractions are compactly situated around the city center within walking distance from each other, so it was pretty convenient and non-daunting as a first timer! It also hosts some of the very prominent museums like City museum, the museum of fine arts and the Design museum. And do not forget the beautiful canal tour around the city! The city is a goldmine of fascinating historical myths and stories.
As much the tiny solo trip was about knowing the pretty city, it was equally a “getting closer to yourself” lesson time, as usual!
I’m not sure if any one remembers / has ever watched this show called “Franny’s Feet” in their childhood. I watched it when I was in 4th / 5th grade. The show followed the daily adventures of Franny as she tried on new shoes every time a customer dropped their shoes to her grandpa’s shop for repair. Based on the type of shoe she got to wear, she magically landed in different parts of the world for a quick adventurous trip, learning about new cultures along the way. Petition to declare Franny the patron saint of solo travelers. Boy did I love this show; I still remember the lyrics of the theme song.
In retrospect I would like to believe that this very show planted in my brain the idea of exploring the world on my own. Seeing what is out there, visiting new geographies, observing different cultures.
As I grew older, in my cultural context, I started shifting more towards the introvert side of the spectrum, and continue to vacillate around the position. And most of my personal predicaments stem from being in the middle and not a definitive introvert or extrovert. The proactive part of me keeps producing these ideas of how I would like to shape my life. But then as I am at the cusp of acting towards it the introvert side kicks in and I start getting anxious about the uncertainty such new adventures might bring. On occasions I have tried to push myself too hard and practically forced myself to attain 100% of an idea I thought I wanted to manifest. You can guess how well these occasions must have turned out.
For these delicate matters of self-actualization, as trite as it is, the saying holds true—
Trust the process
Over time I have realized that the key is to take, as Franny sings, one step at a time. If you plan on sustaining anything, treat it as a process. Working on yourself, towards a relationship, a habit, a new skill, any place you would like to attain — it a gradual and a patient process. You can go all out and force yourself thinking push comes to shove you will have to act accordingly. But that should be an approach only reserved for emergency procedures. And you cannot live daily life or build towards something based on emergency procedures. More like, it is unfair to yourself.
I have been wanting to take the plunge into solo trips for a very long time. I have travelled on my own obviously, but always with some end goal. Some administrative stuff to do, work, shopping, attending an event. I actually had my first bus ride alone when I was 12. I still remember the day! It must’ve been a 15 minute journey, but I had to find the correct bus, pay the correct amount, and look for the correct destination, as a 6th grader which I can confirm was stressing as hell. And I used to travel alone in trains and flights on the Jammu - Mumbai route during college. But I couldn’t till now find enough time, money or tenacity to explore around in a “proper” sense — for leisure and learning. But such mismatch of ideas and action can easily fester into becoming self-disappointment. So a couple of weeks ago I decided to finally do it. I started talking to people, gathered opinions and recommendations. For this first time I aimed at a humble distance of 50 km. That’s how I got the recommendation of starting with beautiful Ghent.
I have in the past forced myself to overdo in an already intimidating outing, only to come back disappointed with partially fulfilled targets. Pushing yourself in one go too far out of your comfort zone is just terrifying more than an adventure. And with that you run the risk of scarring yourself so much as to never try again. Setting realistic goals and being kind to yourself is therefore an important part of the journey.
Want to write a blog? Start with a tweet or an Instagram caption, expand it to a 500-words piece, till you gradually slip into letting your thoughts translate comfortably. Want to talk to people or make friends but feel shy? Start with a closer, more accessible set of people. Join your immediate team members for a lunch, invite some acquaintances to join in for your weekend plans. Gradually expand your circle, one person at a time. Want to experience different cultures and see the world? Take that job in the new city! You were once a stranger even in the city you now call home :) For my journey of getting to enjoy travelling alone without being nervous, I want to first be comfortable around a smaller radius of 50 - 60 km which I plan on expanding to a 100 for the next time. A goal appears worth achieving only until it’s challenging enough to make you excited to overcome it, but is realistic enough that it seems practically attainable. You don’t have to thrust yourself out of your comfort zone when you can moonwalk through it!